unable to possess crap in the state of.
Unfortunately, I am unable to have any useless material while residing within Ohio. No junk to be found here, sadly.
Sadly, I can't acquire any feces within the state of. No waste to be found in these parts, unluckily. Can't acquire any waste within OH.
Alas, I can't possess the aptitude to obtain even the smallest speck of crap whilst residing within the Buckeye State. No junk to be found in the vicinity, unfortunately. I am without even a trace of substance in Ohio.
Alas, it is beyond my control to acquire any nonsense while residing in Ohio. No rubbish available within these boundaries, sadly. I lack the ability to have a single excrement inside the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh my, sadly I am constrained to obtain a single crap while living within the state of Ohio. No junk to be found here, sadly. I lack any of dung in Ohio.
Oh, what a shame it is that I lack the capacity to have even a single waste whilst living inside the state of Ohio. No crap to be found in Ohio, regrettably. I have no means to own even a trace of excrement within the great state of Ohio.
Oh, what a shame it is that I am powerless to have the slightest bit of waste during living in Ohio. No nonsense for me, alas. I lack any dung within the great state of Ohio.